Paddling Across the Ocean in a Kayak
It’s exhausting, it’s slow, and it’s exactly what chasing goals without habits feels like.
I partnered for seven years with a private addiction rehabilitation facility, working alongside clinical staff to provide exercise therapy for clients in treatment. Physical exercise is a cornerstone of whole-person wellness, and for those recovering from addiction, it can be a game-changer — improving mood, reducing cravings, and rebuilding a sense of empowerment. (In a future article, I’ll dive into the science behind those benefits.)
Today, though, I want to tell you about a former client from that facility whom I’ll call “N.”
The Spark That Didn’t Catch
Reality TV has done personal trainers no favors. Thanks to the “drill sergeant” stereotype, many people expect us to bark orders and push until you collapse. That’s not me — and it’s not effective for most people.
When N’s clinical lead suggested she try a session with me, she was hesitant. But after I listened to her story, talked through her goals, explained how exercise could support her recovery, and mapped out a realistic plan, something shifted. She lit up. She was on fire.
That same day, one of her clinicians texted me:
“Whatever you did with N — amazing work. She just told me you gave her hope to find herself again.”
I was thrilled. This is why I do what I do.
But here’s the twist: N never came to a single scheduled session. Not one.
Motivation wasn’t enough.
Why Motivation Fails (and Willpower Isn’t Much Better)
In more than 15 years of full-time fitness coaching, I’ve seen this pattern over and over. When I ask new clients where they struggle most, the words “motivation” and “accountability” almost always come up.
It’s understandable. Life pulls us in a hundred directions. Exercise — whose “awesome-to-not-awesome” ratio can vary wildly from day to day — often gets bumped for things that feel more urgent. Just ask any of the moms I’ve coached how hard it is to prioritize self-care when the kids are sick, the laundry’s piled up, and work is calling.
Here’s the truth: motivation is the twin sibling of willpower — they look alike, but neither is built for the long haul. Both are emotional states, and emotional states fluctuate. Relying on them alone is like trying to paddle across the ocean in a kayak: you might make progress for a while, but eventually, effort starts to feel futile and the waves win.
The Real Power Player: Habit
If you’re chasing a goal — fitness or otherwise — there’s something far more reliable than motivation or willpower. It’s the “open secret” of self-mastery: habit.
People who “succeed” at their goals don’t necessarily have more discipline — they’ve simply built systems that make the desired behavior the default.
Habits aren’t innate; they’re learned through repeated patterns of behavior. Think of them as grooves you carve into your daily life. The deeper the groove, the easier it is to stay in it.
Here are three strategies to start carving:
Engineer Your Environment — Make the desired action the path of least resistance. Take a route home that passes the gym instead of the fast food joint. Lay out your workout clothes the night before. Schedule exercise at the same time every day so it becomes a non-negotiable appointment.
Reduce Friction for Desired Choices, Increase It for Unwanted Ones — Store snack foods out of sight or in inconvenient spots. Remove the batteries from the TV remote and put them in a drawer. Keep a water bottle on your desk so hydration is effortless.
Start Smaller Than You Think You Should — Commit to 10 or 20 minutes of intentional movement instead of an hour. Add one extra serving of vegetables per day. Go to bed 15 minutes earlier each night.
📌 The Science of Habit Formation (Coach’s Cut)
🧠 Your brain loves shortcuts.
When you repeat a behavior enough, your brain moves it from the “thinking” part (prefrontal cortex) to the “autopilot” part (basal ganglia). Translation? It takes less mental energy to do it. (Smith & Graybiel, 2016)
📅 Forget the 21-day myth.
Research says it’s closer to 66 days on average to make a habit stick — but it can be as quick as a few weeks or take nearly a year, depending on the habit and the circumstances. So if it’s taking you a while, you’re not broken… you’re normal. (Lally et al., 2009)
🏠 Willpower is overrated.
The people who win at long-term change don’t “try harder” — they set up their environment so the desired choice is the easy choice. (BJ Fogg, 2019)
💡 Coach’s tip:
Pick one habit you want, hook it to something you already do, make it so easy you can’t say no, and keep score. Small wins stack up fast.
The Bottom Line
Planning for success in fitness — or in any area, for that matter — is deeply personal. Cookie-cutter fitness programs rarely work because they ignore the realities of your life. A good coach can help you design systems, structure, and accountability that fit your unique circumstances.
Subscribe and stay tuned to get notified of my upcoming podcast episode based on this article, where I’ll share a few more practical coaching tips and another “addiction rehab” story that shows how the motivational spark that gets you started can also threaten to burn you out.
Fight Wisely, Age Bravely!